When I tell people who don’t know me that I am a stand up comedian they often say “How’s that a job?”
I reply “Shut your gob, as making people laugh is not as easy as you think, and stop pretending you take me seriously” and had a guy heckle, “All i can see is a big pair of tits”,
“Why is that?” I reply “because I’m a short arse and so to see my chest you have to get on your knees to see them”
“Why don’t I be the judge of that” he says,
“urm….yeah…no” i respond, “I don’t know you well, and how do I know that your not a curb crawler?”
“Because I could take the nits out of my hair, but not your tits as I want them for me”
I say “Really let me tell your wife that, who sitting next you, her tits are way bigger than mine, so look at her chest and see if you still be married after tonight…good luck with that”
“Yeah, but they are a set of old tits and seen them hundred times” at which I say to the wife “You picked a gooden there, what nursery did you get him from? as looking at him I bet he still gets breatfed still, being baled like a baby, and looks like a right gentleman, feed him a bone when he gets home”.
I ended it to that, and what did he get? a slap and a divorce and says “That’s the last time I get to see her boobs”
“Yes and mine to, what do you do for a living?” I ask,
“Nothing I’m unemployed”
“Well don’t ask me for a reference as your wifes slap did that for me”
“See and that’s why I am a stand up comedian…happy days people, happy days”.