I am back on tour and seeing the usual faces at my gigs, but someone then shouts I can see your tits from here, but not much of face, and I say “Turn 180 degrees and walk out if you’d like but your not getting a refund just my bum in your face so you see this up close too”, or can you also see it from there?”
I asked him if he’d like a photo of my breasts but of course shook his head like a little boy and so I asked him, “Do you need breastfeeding or a soother (also known as a dummy), or have you soiled your nappy, as don’t rely on me I have no maternal instinct” so, I shout, “Has anyone got any baby milk or give him a pat on the pack to wind him. Oh sorry if you can see them from there can you suck on them too?” and of course he sheepishly sits back in his sit.
I had a woman heckling, “My husbands says he would” and so I reply “Do what exactly, oh you mean he would like to have a bit of the other, is this with or without you?”,
The Audience laugh apart from her and see that the guy heckled about my boobs, was her husband, “Sorry have I became a marriage councillor, is this what they do?” “Are you getting divorced by any chance?”, she then sits back with her husband, “Do you want to get closer to my boobs or away from them. and your hubby, did he heckle you when you began to go out, as I would have turned up at the wedding, and said “I can’t see your dick from here, or your wives boobs and if I was married to you, I would have seeked counselling too or not turned up”.
“A word of advice peeps, if they now end their marriage can you see my tits from where you sit or his wife’s?”. “Happy ever after you too, see you in the divorce court”.
The West London Girl 